Common and normal aren't necessarily the same thing.

There are certain things we women hear so often that eventually we stop questioning them.

"You've had children, what do you expect?"

"That's the menopause."

"That's just an endo flare-up."

"You're getting older."

"That's just wear and tear".

"Well, you've had abdominal surgery."

And after a while, something quite subtle can happen. We stop wondering whether anything could be different and start thinking:

"I suppose this is just normal for me now."

The thing is, common and normal aren't necessarily the same thing.

There are lots of things women commonly experience after pregnancy and birth, following surgery, alongside conditions such as endometriosis, during menopause or simply as the years roll on.

And because they're common, because our friends experience them too, because we've heard other women talk about them. After all, perhaps we've even been told to expect them, it's incredibly easy to assume they're simply part and parcel of being a woman.

So we adapt.

And bloody hell, are we good at adapting.

We cross our legs when we sneeze.

We have the safety wee before leaving somewhere, even though we don't really need one.

We choose different clothes on the days we know our tummy is going to bloat.

We stop lying on the side that makes our hip ache.

We pick up the washing basket in a slightly peculiar way because we've learnt exactly which movement gives us that familiar stabbing pain.

We quietly stop doing things we know our body won't thank us for later. None of this usually happens overnight. They're tiny adjustments. Little workarounds.

And eventually, we become so good at them that we barely notice we're doing them anymore. But just because something is common doesn't make it imaginary, insignificant or unworthy of attention.

Bloating that has you undoing your jeans after tea still affects you.

Leaking when you sneeze is still leaking.

A scar that pulls every time you reach or stretch still pulls.

Painful ovulation is still painful.

A back that makes you think twice before picking up your toddler is still affecting how you live your life.

Something doesn't have to be unusual. It doesn't have to be dramatic. And it certainly doesn't have to be the worst it's ever been before you're allowed to acknowledge that it's bothering you.

I think there's another distinction that's really important here too.

Having an explanation for something isn't the same as having to accept it.

Pregnancy and birth can explain why your body may feel different.

Surgery can explain why tissues may have changed.

Endometriosis can explain the symptoms you're experiencing.

Menopause and ageing can explain changes, too.

But an explanation isn't automatically a life sentence.

There may be things that can be better understood.

Supported.

Managed.

Or improved.

And sometimes simply understanding what's happening, rather than assuming "that's just me now", is the first useful step. Which is why perhaps instead of always asking, "Is this normal?" there's another question worth asking:

"Is this affecting how I live my life?"

Are you planning around it?

Avoiding something because of it?

Changing how you move because you know what will happen if you don't?

Choosing clothes around it?

Thinking about where the toilets are?

Preparing yourself before you pick something up?

Or are you simply fed up with having to put up with it?

Because those things matter. Something can be incredibly common amongst women without automatically being something every woman simply has to accept. And sometimes the first step isn't about fixing anything at all. It's simply allowing ourselves to question whether "normal for me" is actually how we want things to stay.

Love, always

Dawn xx